I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
