I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
