24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
