omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
