based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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