hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
