Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
