Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
