i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
