I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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