I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
