I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
