No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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