I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
did i walk over a car last night?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize