yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
