Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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