when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
