just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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