Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
