i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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