my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I need water and some morals
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
