Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
