GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You made out with two different species that night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
