she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize