I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
