Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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