he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
