Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
