I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
