Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
