Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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