So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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