Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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