8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
