I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Farmville is her only friend.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My ass is underappreciated
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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