There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
