She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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