worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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