If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
