Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
