Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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