When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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