Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
