She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
