just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
