I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
