I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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