i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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