Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
try to milk me bitch
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
