My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
