Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
