Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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