I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
