then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
