Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
