We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
