she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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