My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize