At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
