Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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