talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish you could order shots online.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize