How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
