So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
