Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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