found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
