Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
