So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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