Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
