considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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