if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
